Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to write. Things are going along swimmingly, nothing too grand or terrible going on. Just status quo. That’s kind of how things are right now. They’re good. I feel great, I’m still moving along, still watching how I eat and minding my steps. Things have calmed down post-holiday. We are back to work and school and back to our little routine. And that’s good. Just nothing earth shattering to share so I haven’t written much lately.
I’ve been rather reflective lately. Looking over the last five years or so and where I was to where I am, emotionally, health-wise, spiritually. I like where I’ve landed. I feel like I am on solid ground. Five years ago I was worried about not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up, feeling like time was slipping away as I was in my young 40’s. At the other end of that age-slide, I am more settled, more calm. I’m still not 100% sure where this journey of life will take me, but I’m more comfortable with that then ever before. I really don’t need every answer NOW.
Spiritually I am so good. Five years ago I was starting to search for a relationship, a deep meaningful relationship with God. I felt that somewhere along the line that got muddled. I was following a religion that didn’t fit, that didn’t make sense, that was based on a man disguised as the pathway to Him. It was so much time and work and energy to shed the tapes I’d been playing, the words that had been ingrained in my brain. But now, being fully out and on the other side of that transition, I am free. I feel loved and embraced and known. I feel like there is nothing between my maker and myself, and that’s all I wanted in the first place. I am so happy to have arrived at that place of peace.
Health-wise, I am in such a good place. I am in awe of all the things my body can do. I’m regaining my former flexibility (who knew I could touch the floor and not struggle just to reach my ankles?). I am trying new things and making plans for fun and adventure this summer. I will take my daughter horseback riding for the first time, ever. A passion I shared with my dad in my youth. I am no longer to heavy to ride. I am still working on my journey and I’m so excited to be continuing on this year.
The house is coming along. Flooring is in, trim is nearly done. It’s crazy to think they need another 5 weeks, but they do. Close is on February 22nd. We just found out we need a lot less to close than I thought, which is good. There are a lot of start up costs involved in a new house. Fencing, blinds, appliances, getting our stuff from storage, painting. The list goes on and on. I am so ready to start living. I feel like we’ve been on hold a bit here in the apartment. Not quite able to make the connections to neighbors and new friends. I have discovered I am a LOT more social than I considered myself to be. Frank thinks that’s hilarious. How did I not know this about myself. But, you get into a routine with the people you know and you don’t think of that as being “social”, but I guess I am. I feel trapped being here — away from where my life will take root. I know it’s a short time from now, but it feels like an eternity when you are sitting here waiting for the time to pass.
Life is good. I am happy. My family is healthy. Even with Jake not being here physically, we keep in touch through texts calls. I am thankful our kids like us. Right? Raising kids is hard. We never worried about being their “friend” while they were growing up, but to see a friendship form once they hit young adulthood is really something. I feel fortunate that I not only love my kiddos, but like them. Jake is perhaps a little too sarcastic, and doesn’t always know when to reign that in, but he’s funny. He’s got a real tender side, too. And he loves his momma. Makes my heart burst a little. And Kenzie, she was such a quiet thing growing up, but now, she has learned to speak her mind, and she can throw a zinger out here and there as well. I love the young woman she is becoming — so many great adventures on the horizon for that one. I am excited to watch what the next few years brings.
We are truly blessed.
One Reply to “Mood…”
What a fantastic testimony by you. It must have taken a ton of hard work and determination to get to where you are now. I have to admit while I don’t want anything bad to happen I do miss reading your post every morning but I am so very glad that things are going so well for you and the family. You deserve all these things and more and don’t worry I’m sure you will find what it is you are looking for as far as the meaning of life and you’re role. It the question we all are searching for an answer to but on your way you are doing fabulous! Keep up the great work!
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