So much to consider…

bartitastic

I been feeling a little overwhelmed the last few days.  Mixed emotions.  I have been so busy the last few weeks marking off all the “have to’s” for my weight loss surgery that I hadn’t really been thinking of the gravity of things.

I recently joined a couple of WLS groups on FB.  It’s been eye opening.  People are in all different stages in their journey on these sites.  The ones that are a year or more out — super inspiring.  The ones that haven’t gone through it yet, I can totally relate to.  Its the ones that are in between that have my brain working overtime.  Some are experiencing complications in general — and of course I know that’s a possiblity.  Some are having issues, and a lot of those have more to do with them not following the eating rules than anything else.  There I have my head on straight.  Why go through all of this to NOT follow the rules?  Then there is just the nutrition standard.

I have been trying the different types of vitamins and supplements I will need to take — for the rest of my life — at first they are chewable.  You can probably imagine what that tastes like.  Pretty darned stonrg.  The pill forms are almost worst.   And I’m not a good pill person to begin with.

Then there’s the eating in general.  With such a reduced stomach how in the world am I going to keep up with my nutrition.  Once I can eat regular foods again it will be like a 1/4 cup at a time, if I’m lucky.  And I need to do that 5-6 times a day.  People on the sites are literally struggling to be hungry enough to do that so in many cases, they are overriding their bodies signals and eating anyway.  I do that now and it hasn’t worked out so well.

Then there’s the hair loss.  I already have thin, fine hair.  Can’t imagine having LESS.  I know that’s pure vanity talking there, but it’s a reality and one I’m concerned about.

I read everything and I feel overwhelmed.  And I’m exercising and eating so well right now, there’s a side of me that things, naw, you don’t need the surgery to do this, but then I really sit with it.  The decision.  I’m not doing this because I can’t lose.  I can lose.  It’s the maintaining I have trouble with.  Because in the end if I want to eat like crap, it’s pretty easy to transition back.  The surgery makes that considerably more difficult.  Your body will literally reject the crappy foods one way or another — and yes, you can keep pushing it until your body stops rejecting, but why in the hell would someone do that after going through all the surgery, the vitamins, the diet, the struggle?  I am not standing in judgment, I just literally cannot understand sitting here at this end.

So, all in all, I think I will read a little less and write a little more.  Just track my emotions and how I feel along the way.  I am so hopeful that this tool will be what I hope it is.  I am certainly learning more about myslef than I thought I would along the way.  And for that I am thankful.

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