So, just yesterday I was saying cravings were all but gone. Today I had mental and physical temptations…but I held strong, and was very thankful that I can enjoy some fruit — that at least took the edge off.
Our sweet neighbor girl had bought a bunch of glazed donuts for her friends, who in turn didn’t want them (WHAT???). I mentioned Kenzie had her two friends staying over and she handed the box to me. I brought them home and the girls all enjoyed one, and then one again for breakfast leaving two in the see-through box. Those puppies were calling my name. All.Day.Long. I walked past to make breakfast, there they were, frosty and gleaming with sugar. Later, while filling my water glass, I could almost hear my name from the counter…and it happened again and again. I abstained. I should get a medal! No really, I should.
Then I was headed home tonight after youth group and I had this unbelievable craving for Snickers. Snickers. I don’t even eat Snickers. They are dairy bombs. But tonight I could almost taste the chocolate, ewey goey caramel and peanuts. And I had to do everything in my power to avoid my car turning towards Safeway.
I came home and Frank was just finishing up cooking some pork chops and sides. Not sweet but savory. I drank some water, ate a chop covered in caramelized onion and mushrooms and then a banana. Just that little bit of sweetness, and savory, and my tummy was full and satisfied. And until I woke up at 2am out of a dead sleep, my cravings were gone. Though, I should phrase that differently. It’s 2am and they are still at bay. Hopefully it was just a one-day fluke because, “that was hard.” And if you’ve read the Whole30 now, you get the joke there.
Other than that, today went swimmingly. Went to 9am church and cried like I normally do. Doug, the pastor, is such an amazing, tender guy. And a fellow former Chicagoan, which doesn’t make relating difficult. Today he talked about having our Father’s heart — and how to get there through a story of the Cubs win. His father had raised him to love the cubs. They went to games, listened to the Cubies on the radio, talked about the cubs, shared the stats. It was his whole childhood. He learned to love the Cubs through his father’s eyes by spending time with him and learning from him and listening to him until he found his own personal passion for the same. Doug related that to how we come to know and love the mission God has for us. By spending time with him, in prayer, in the Word, in our hearts. His dad has Alzheimers, by the way, and on the night of the Cubs getting into the Series, he went to Brookside (the home he now resides in) at 10:30p and woke him, probably startled him a bit, but he had to tell him. The Cubies made it to the Series. That’s where the tears streamed. And for a bit today I missed my parents in the depths of my heart. On the night of the final game of the Series I cried. I mean really cried. What I would’ve done to be able to tell my mom about the win. She loved the Cubies, too. Anyway, Doug has a real way of making his message palpable. And I love it.
Tonight I spent my first official night with the high school kids from church. I am serving in the senior youth group. We talked about doubt and questioning and how those things are tools in moving from believing to knowing in faith. That it’s okay to have doubts — and to ask God, and those around you for support in finding answers to those questions. Most of the youth group was at an away activity (ski weekend), so the group which is usually around 50-75 strong, was about 10-15 kids. After Kyle delivered the message talking about doubt, we broke the group into boys and girls to have small group discussions on the topic. I was so impressed by the girls and their sincerity in sharing their hearts and their thoughts. I was able to share a little of my own experience with the topic as well. I felt very welcomed, very in tune and very much in the right place. My heart was filled for each of these young women.
All in all, a good day. I wouldn’t change it. I’m sort of glad I struggled with cravings today (and won). It helps me refocus why I’m changing my eating and that I’m serious. I know this won’t be the last time I experience a bump in the journey, and the future bumps may be more like potholes. I need to be prepared so that I’m not taken by surprise and lose my way. For now, I feel strong and like I’m in the winner’s seat. I’ll take it!