Well, here I am in all my glory.  285.6 is the official weigh in for the last day of the year/start of the journey back to me.  I feel like I just walked on the show “Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition…This is literally my all-time high weight that I am aware of.  I am 5’5”, which makes my BMI 47.52.  Whoa.  Class III obese.  Unpleasant words, but all true.  Now, I do not think my weight defines me.  I am not “down on myself”.  I am not really even sad.  I am excited to see what I can accomplish if I put focus on my health.  I look forward to building my stamina.  To walking up stairs without being out of breath.  I look forward to how i will look a year from now.  Simple goals, simple actions, simple rewards.  I know that by paying myself attention, showing myself great love and patience, I will rebuild my self-esteem.  I will put myself out there more.  I will want to shrink away less.  I’m sure there’s someone out there reading this who doesn’t see me this way, but it’s through sheer force of will I remain social.  And I think it’s remaining social that hasn’t put me at a greater disadvantage.  I think I would be so much bigger if I wasn’t a social person.

I have simple goals for the month of January.  1) Begin and stick with Whole30; 2) exercise 6 days a week, with cardio daily and strength training 3-4 days a week; 3) no weighing or measuring until January 31st; 4) a loss of at least 8 lbs.

When I achieve all four of these mini-goals, I will book a massage appointment.  One of my favorite things to do.  And I am going to take this one month at a time.  Just a month, 30’ish days of focus and then I get to reboot my focus for the next month.  My great hope is that over time I will start to see a change, a difference in my body shape and my stamina in all things.  That as I feel lighter outside, I will come to feel “lighter” inside as well.  That my deserve level will rise to meet my efforts.  That my home life will be even better, that my business will open to reach the heights I envision.  That Frank and I can be active together.  He’s such a loving and patient man.  He’s literally loved me through thick and thin and thick again.  I am truly blessed.

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