…and now we know

Yesterday I was scheduled for a PET scan. It’s like an MRI but it uses radioactive dye to light up areas of the body that may have cancer lurking.

A few weeks ago my doctor found a hardened lymph node in my neck near my thyroid and she wanted to rule out, among other things, cancer, Especially since I have a history of breast cancer.

It’s been a stressful few weeks to say the least.

I arrived at the imaging lab on time and they took me back rather quickly. I had the sweetest nurse, name Glenna who assisted me throughout my stay. Glenna had a gentle touch and a good sense of humor and kept things rolling right along.

Once the dye was injected, I had an hour to myself while we waited for it to sufficiently course through my blood stream. I don’t love the idea of that – radioactive chemicals in my body, but I like the idea of undetected cancer even less.

After an hour, I was moved over to the PET bed. There I laid down, placed my hands over my head and closed my eyes. Sixteen minutes later they woke me up and the scan was over. It was so peaceful I fell asleep. It’s not loud and boisterous like and MRI. It’s quiet. Almost gentle in its scanning process.

From the test, Frank and I drove to Chipotle to grab me some food since I hadn’t eaten since 7am. And then we went home to catch up on the 35 work emails I had received in the three hours I was away… {sigh}

We then got a call from our mechanic who had our car that it was ready for pick up. We drove, picked it up, stopped by Mel’s to drop off her car, which she graciously had let us borrow…chatted for a bit and returned home. All mundane activities while waiting…

And then the email came — results were already in. Drum roll please…

I am happy to report, I have a 100% clean bill of health. No recurrent cancer, no new cancer, nada.

Turns out, it is a calcified lymph node, probably from a previous infection of some sort. Who knows from what. But I will tell you something, I am thankful.

But my prayers haven’t changed.

Two Sundays ago I went to church alone. Frank was burning the candle at both ends at work and with side work, and laying our mulch, and he asked if I minded if he stayed home. Which I didn’t. I understand the need to rest from time to time. So off I went on my own.

Ryan, our lead pastor, has really dug deep and has been preaching such a good word for so long. This sermon picked up right where his opening from Women’s Night of Worship left off. Am I attending expecting something?

Expecting to be healed, enriched, made whole? Do I come with my needs, wants, and demands? Or do I come simply to worship my Father? To offer thanks, to draw closer, to listen?

I had not come with the expectation of being healed. God will do what He will do, and I also know He is a great teacher. Though not the way I prefer to learn, I grew so much in my relationship with Him through my bought of breast cancer.

I had come with an expectation that he would reveal what it is I was learning in the moment.

I left Night of Worship having poured out my heart in thanksgiving for the life He has provided me. For the blessings of my husband, my children, and my friendships.

I walked into church that Sunday with a heart full of gratitude. It was the one place I was that I wasn’t worrying or wondering or thinking I may be sick. It was the one place I already felt whole and healed.

That Sunday, after service, I went out to my car and then I stopped. My heart racing, but I felt the need to turn back and ask for prayer. I went to Pastor Vernon. One of the warmest humans I know and told him what was going on. He laid his hand on my shoulder and offered a prayer. I felt comforted and ready to face the journey ahead, whatever it might be.

I am of course thankful to be healthy. To not have to walk down the road of treatment and healing again. But I am most thankful for the shift in my heart and in my head. It’s a reminder that I can get stuck in “me” sometimes and not be focused on Him, and how thankful I am He walks beside me, knows the path before me, and is there to embrace me every step of the way. And if I needed a little health hiccup to remind me, then I am thankful for that, too.

Amen.