This is a follow up from last Saturday’s post “Live from Colorado.”
Mel and I spent Saturday together, and as anticipated, we went to our favorite lunch spot to share a bite. During our sit down, I took a deep breath and let her know I had something to share.
I started with the story of our conversation days after I shared I was leaving the Mormon church and went from there. I was honest and open that I had not been completely honest and open with her in the years since leaving and why that was.
She was both surprised, and saddened by my admission. Which I have to say, caught me off guard. Hiding the things I have from her became such a regular thing that she hadn’t really noticed that I had been doing that. Guilt…ugh, the sadness that made me feel. Not because I wanted her to feel bad, but because it made my deception feel like it was a natural thing for me, which it isn’t.
But then a wonderful turn in the conversation occurred, and Mel, because she’s so amazing, began to bare her testimony of her relationship with God, with Jesus, and though our doctrines differ quite a bit, there’s no denying the Spirit being present in this part of the conversation.
What I was seeing as a great divide was brought together in an instant as we both shared our love for Christ.
Though there are nuances and differences, there is a bridge. And together we walked it for what seemed like hours. And it was beautiful.
Then why do I still feel a sadness?
I think it’s because as deeply as Mel loves God, and oh does she ever, our understanding of who He is is different. There is a weight in Mormonism that I lost when I stepped away and met the God of the Bible. By believing in Christ, my work was done, “It is finished” means all of it. There’s nothing left for me to do. I want that freedom for my friend, too.
Even with that longing for her, that sadness I carry will be carried by Jesus as well. I will continue to pray for her. I know all things are in his timing for our good, and His glory. If God can peel the scales from my eyes He can do that for Mel, too.
What I won’t do any longer is hide who I am, what I am learning, studying, praying for.
Our conversation healed a part of my heart that was burdened. I am thankful for that. I’m sad it brought an awareness to Mel that she hadn’t had before. That part wasn’t great, but she was wonderful and loving and everything I could ever want in my bestie. I am so blessed to have her in my life.
Am I glad we had “the talk?” I am. It has helped me set aside one of my biggest fears. Mel and I are in this life together beyond friends, we are sisters at heart. We are family.
I’ve never felt more love for her than I did at that table, then I do right now.
I am forever thankful for the gift of Mel’s friendship, and for the bridges we share.
4 Replies to “The Talk…”
Very courageous my friend. Very courageous indeed!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, my friend. I appreciate your words of support!
I am so glad for this update. I’ve wondered about how things had gone. Any time we are not transparent, we are wearing a mask and that’s a tragedy. Whether things go as we’ve hoped or not, honesty is always better option
I also wanted to thank you for sharing the book, Becoming Free Indeed. I recently finished listening to it as an audible and thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the last half. Again, thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Paneen. Also glad you enjoyed the book!