On December 31, 2016 I sat down to start this blog. I wrote about how I arrived at such an unhealthy point in my life and the impetus to change course. That impetus was a tennis bracelet that I literally couldn’t put on my wrist. Not only wouldn’t it close, it wouldn’t even touch sides to be able to attempt to latch it. My wrist was 8.25″. The bracelet, a mere 7″.
I was going to wait until the 31st to try again, but I just couldn’t hold out. It was sitting on my dresser staring me in the face. Challenging me. So, with a deep sigh I walked over, picked it up, laid it on my wrist and with all the dexterity I had, I closed and latched it.
Now, there is clearly a need for more space. I won’t wear it out just yet. But in one year — I can close the damn thing. I am so elated.
I was going to wait to post this, but like needing to try the bracelet on early, I need to post this early. See, I’m having a crappy morning. I weigh in on Mondays. Officially. Often though, I find myself cheating during the week and I’ll hop on the scale for some guidance — which I’m learning is a bad idea. Weight fluctuates from day to day, hour to hour. All week I was tracking about a 2.5 lb. loss for this week — ALL WEEK LONG. Until this morning when I hopped on the scale for an official weigh in. -1.4. Now, prior to surgery I would have been ecstatic with =1.4, but surgery messes with your reality. For a long while you lose 5-6 pounds a week, so when you finally slow down to 1.4 you feel like you did something wrong. Which is insane. -1.4 is -1.4 and it’s GONE.
So, I blog to remind myself how far I’ve come. I can close the bracelet that had me in tears this time last year. And for that I am glad. In the scheme of things, 1.4 is amazing. It’s a loss. And it puts me that much closer to my Feb 1st goal of weighing 210. I’m so close. And really, I know it’s not so much about the scale, but about how I look and feel. And both of those things have changed so dramatically this year some days I have to pinch myself to know that this is for real. That I am healthy and strong and quick on my feet. That I am no longer the biggest girl in the room. That I am not self-conscious when meeting new people. That I enjoy dressing up and doing my makeup. That I feel more…feminine…all around. I have gained this great awareness of myself.
So, time to shake off the pity-party and get my crap together. I am proud of the -1.4. I am proud that I didn’t wait another day to track my weight (which was my first instinct). I was honest and am happy to see the progress. I started this blog to track the journey — the whole journey — the good the bad the ugly. And this, I will say, falls under GOOD. It’s all good actually. Every step of the way.
5 Replies to “Impetus…”
Great job and I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes when you’re working so hard and thinking about it so much the scale just gut punches you. What I love most about this post is that you were wise enough to stop and realize how great you are. This could have easily turned into a reason to throw in the towel for a few days but you didn’t. You amazingly recognized your achievement even though you were initially disappointed. 1.4 down is fantastic lady and I’m so very proud of you! You continue to show your greatness and that makes you priceless! Keep up the good work, it’s a fight but each day you’re dream walking to the best version of you to walk the earth’s surface!
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Great job Cheryl, every pound is a step in the right direction. Keep your head up and keep taking those steps no matter if it’s 1 lb. or 5 lbs. you are on the road to a healthy you and that my friend is the goal. Remember we are our own worse enemy. Don’t be so hard on yourself because you look amazing so you are doing everything right!! 😘
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Thanks, Kim. I appreciate your kind words…and that’s so true. I am harder on myself than I would be to anyone else…I need to cut myself some slack.
Congrats on your success so far Cheryl. I know what you are going through as I too have been on a journey of losing weight. I too get distracted with weighing myself every day knowing that it fluctuates, and then gets disappointed at my actual weigh in (I’m a Weight Watcher Member). But we have to remember to celebrate the success we do have and that goes beyond the scale. Keep going and keep reaching for your goal. You’ll get there as I know I’ll achieve mine too! Luv you cuz!
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Love you, too, Cindy! I’m so excited for you and your journey. You’re right, NSVs have to be the focus when the scale doesn’t cooperate. And I have tons of those to keep me going! I can’t wait to see you again…I hope that happens soon!