On December 31, 2016 I sat down to start this blog. I wrote about how I arrived at such an unhealthy point in my life and the impetus to change course. That impetus was a tennis bracelet that I literally couldn’t put on my wrist. Not only wouldn’t it close, it wouldn’t even touch sides to be able to attempt to latch it. My wrist was 8.25″. The bracelet, a mere 7″.
I was going to wait until the 31st to try again, but I just couldn’t hold out. It was sitting on my dresser staring me in the face. Challenging me. So, with a deep sigh I walked over, picked it up, laid it on my wrist and with all the dexterity I had, I closed and latched it.
Now, there is clearly a need for more space. I won’t wear it out just yet. But in one year — I can close the damn thing. I am so elated.
I was going to wait to post this, but like needing to try the bracelet on early, I need to post this early. See, I’m having a crappy morning. I weigh in on Mondays. Officially. Often though, I find myself cheating during the week and I’ll hop on the scale for some guidance — which I’m learning is a bad idea. Weight fluctuates from day to day, hour to hour. All week I was tracking about a 2.5 lb. loss for this week — ALL WEEK LONG. Until this morning when I hopped on the scale for an official weigh in. -1.4. Now, prior to surgery I would have been ecstatic with =1.4, but surgery messes with your reality. For a long while you lose 5-6 pounds a week, so when you finally slow down to 1.4 you feel like you did something wrong. Which is insane. -1.4 is -1.4 and it’s GONE.
So, I blog to remind myself how far I’ve come. I can close the bracelet that had me in tears this time last year. And for that I am glad. In the scheme of things, 1.4 is amazing. It’s a loss. And it puts me that much closer to my Feb 1st goal of weighing 210. I’m so close. And really, I know it’s not so much about the scale, but about how I look and feel. And both of those things have changed so dramatically this year some days I have to pinch myself to know that this is for real. That I am healthy and strong and quick on my feet. That I am no longer the biggest girl in the room. That I am not self-conscious when meeting new people. That I enjoy dressing up and doing my makeup. That I feel more…feminine…all around. I have gained this great awareness of myself.
So, time to shake off the pity-party and get my crap together. I am proud of the -1.4. I am proud that I didn’t wait another day to track my weight (which was my first instinct). I was honest and am happy to see the progress. I started this blog to track the journey — the whole journey — the good the bad the ugly. And this, I will say, falls under GOOD. It’s all good actually. Every step of the way.