I was going to save this post until some time later…but it’s all that is on my mind right now aside from surgery. Have you ever felt a pull — I would say a pull like you are not where you are supposed to be, but there’s nothing in the “negative” about the pull. It’s not that I’m not where I should be, it’s that I feel I belong elsewhere. Like I’ve run my course and a new path is emerging.
I’m reading a new book for our church’s Summer Table series. It’s called “Freefall to Fly” and it opens with the author talking about the 15 years she’d spent in the ‘burbs of Atlanta, Georgia raising her family, being content and then she and her husband new they were being called to New York, the great city to the north. She goes on to investigate the things and feelings she must have experienced. The fear, the wondering, the surrender. I was talking to the ladies in the group last night…I didn’t get that gene. The fear gene. I move from the tug on my heart to surrender.
My friend Ali is one of the leaders of the group and she, through the book, posed an interesting question — how do you know it’s God and not your own desire. I think sometimes it is a combination. For me, though, when it’s a God thing, I literally feel the burn in my heart. It has little to do with my head.
So where am I being pulled to? The south. Charlotte, NC. I have had a desire for the east coast, the trees, the ocean, the beauty, for a few years now. Only setting it aside when I thought it wasn’t a possibility. Then Frank and I started talking about buying the Seth, which, when finished, without a basement, would probably run us upwards of $600,000. WHAT? At 47 years old, we’re going to take on a huge mortgage, even after all the equity we can squeeze from this house? So that stopped us in our tracks and then we started reevaluating, and there was the pull again. But stronger than before.
Frank picked up his research again…last year we’d looked coastal and knew that wasn’t right for us. This year we decided to look inland — Charlotte is such a great spot. A few hours from the coast, a few hours from the mountains, a few hours from history. It’s a larger city than Denver, which I think surprised us both. It is charming and cheaper than Denver, for sure. We know no one there. We have no roots, we have no reason, but I believe God does. I feel it in my heart, my soul, my bones, like I did Phoenix and Denver.
Like I said, I’m missing a gene, I need very little information to make the decision when it feels more like a calling than a whim. Every place I’ve lived has been a major evolutionary step in both my temporal life and my spiritual life. I’m not quite sure what He’s preparing me for, all I know is that through obedience the doors he’s opened in my past have been amazing. And not every part of the journey has been pleasant, but each lesson has molded me further, and closer to Him.
So, Frank and I are taking a trip to Charlotte on June 22nd. We are going to see what’s what, because unlike me, Frank needs to see and feel and touch and smell up and down before he’s comfortable, and I’m good with that. I understand his need to do that. I support him. It’s not a small move, it’s not an inexpensive move. It’s not like we can turn back once we make the decision. It’s not just a state away. It’s a lifetime away.
Castle Rock has been such a great place to live, to raise my family, to establish friendships. I’m sad to leave Mel — so much of who I am is entangled in who we are together as friends and sisters. I will be sad to not be able to walk across the street to see Alison — and don’t even get me started on my girl, Alana. So many others who I enjoy running into at the store or seeing out and about. We will be strangers in a strange land, but I know God is at the helm once again. And my faith and my trust is fully in Him. I have no doubts. Literally none. Even Kenzie is digesting the possibility of moving so so much better than I expected. And she doesn’t embrace change at all. Things are falling into place like they only do in my life when God has his hand in it. It’s the one area of my life I sincerely feel humble. When called, I answer. I don’t fret, I don’t argue, I move straight to surrender and release.
I’ll update more from the road or when I get back. I’m excited to make the trip. Been a while since Frank and I got away alone. And I’m excited to see what the south holds for us. As Frank always says, our life has been one big roller coaster ride. At least we’re in the same car at the same time — together.