Sugar Dragon…

Yesterday was both a rough and busy day.  It started out great.  Met three long-time, great friends for breakfast at the Egg & I.  Ordered everything completely compliant.  No slips there.  🙂  I arrived at 9:30a, but my friends trickled in between 9:50a and 10:30!  Gotta love gals…we run on our own time most of the time!  I’m pretty much either early or right on time so I knew I’d be in for a little wait.  No worries.

Once everyone showed we did what we do best.  We laughed, shared stories, caught up on each others’ lives and lost track of time.  It was 12:15p when we left to go our separate ways!

I arrived home to a panicked message from my friend Kim, who took my old job at AMC.  Stocks & Options time…too complex to simply text her back.  I put out the call but didn’t get her immediately.  But I could feel my stress rise almost immediately.  Now, that was both good and bad.  Stress = not so great.  I knew the conversation would be long and detailed and might not cover everything.  I had a little time before PT and I really wanted to equip her with whatever I could with what time I had.  Stress = Good in that I was engaging my brain by working through complex problems.  Something I miss, that I didn’t anticipate that I would.

Anyway, Kim called me back and like I thought, it was intense.  My adrenaline was in full pump-mode.  I think we got through the main points of what we needed to get through.  I was running late to PT, but I made it.  PT went well, overall.  My knee is responding well and I am already regaining strength in it.  Scott (the owner) is a tough cookie, but knows his stuff.  I like working with he and his staff.

On my way home, I called Kim back just to make sure she was doing alright and was able to complete the tasks we had discussed.  We talked for another 40 minutes.  She’s as good as she can be without the training she really needs.  Poor thing.

By the time I walked in the door Frank and Kenzie were running out to get her car to the mechanic (minor repairs needed) and there I was … alone.  After very little sleep from the night before (a topic for another entry) coupled with the adrenaline rush of being in touch with my former position.  The stress was palpable.  And what do you think I wanted more than anything in that situation?  SUGAR.  Good night.  Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar.  And I caved.  Now — this is not as bad as it could have been, but I indulged none-the-less and that requires new focus today.  In fact, I was so hyper stressed that I ate a combination that made me pretty dang sick in the end.  Coffee, mixed with hot cocoa mix, with sweetened non-dairy creamer topped with, that’s right, whip cream.  I can’t stress how very allergic I am to the a1 proteins found in dairy.  OMG — was I sick.  Even after everything came back up (sorry) and I thought my system was clean, the jitters and the dizziness remained.  I spent the evening attempting to eat as much protein as possible.  So basically I was a mess.   If I had any doubt that I was an emotional eater, those doubts have been dispelled.

I spent the rest of the evening watching TLC’s “My 600 pound life.”  A series of one-hour episodes of the morbidly obese who seek help from a gastric bypass surgeon in Houston.  It’s not the surgery that fascinates me.  I see that as a tool.  It their stories, and how much I can relate to them.  And how thankful I am to be struggling at the weight I am at rather than for instance, Doug’s from last night (684.6).  I have it good.  And I had a slip.  I recognize it and I am back on track today.  I realize this won’t be a perfect journey and that sugar will call to me from time to time to soothe my spirit.  What I endeavor to find is a healthy replacement.  A tool that I can implement as a go-to when stress comes on.  Because this certainly won’t be the last time.  It’s not even a truly unique situation.  Any new task that has urgency will cause me stress.  No matter what level, it will cause triggers for me and my first instinct just cannot always be food (even healthy food).  There needs to be an alternative.  I hope in the future to make that exercise; a walk, weight lifting, yoga.  Something healthy i can turn to that makes me feel more in control rather than wildly out of control.

I’m a work in progress, and I know it’s all part of the journey.  At least I can look at what happened for what it was.  I’m not beating myself up.  And I’m mostly moving on.  “Keep the lesson, shed the experience”…my personal mantra.  Moving on.