I arrived in Chicago on Thursday morning, drove straight to Cathy’s place, picked her up and took her to lunch and then a little shopping. (That woman LOVES to shop). From there, we went back to my hotel room and took a short nap (I was managing on a little under three hours of sleep from other night before — but that’s another story. After our nap, we spent some time just talking and laughing. Mostly reminiscing over funny stories of our mom. I brought her back home for dinner and her nighttime routine.
Friday started off well enough. I finally got some sleep the night before. The sun was shining, and breakfast was good (for hotel food). We were scheduled to be at the hospital for Cathy’s biopsy by 11:00a. I chose a hotel somewhere between Cathy’s home and the hospital so I wouldn’t have any trouble making my arrival on time.
Cahy’s program manager, Kim, brought her to the appointment and together we got her checked in and upstairs to day surgery to prepare.
Cathy was understandably nervous, but in walks Lily, the nurse of all wonderful nurses. She was so wonderful. Lily teased with Cathy right away and you could see Cathy relaxing immediately. Even when Lily had to insert the IV for a second time because Cathy’s veins wouldn’t cooperate.
All Cathy’s prep was done by noon, including her visit from Dr. B. We were just waiting on anesthesia. And then the clock ticked. And continued to tick until 2pm.
Now mind you – Cathy hadn’t eaten since 10pm the night before…and she’s diabetic. So, Kim and I were getting antsy to say the least. Lily came and tested her sugars, fortunately, she was still hovering at 118. That was a relief.
Finally, about 2:10p anesthesia showed up. It was two younger women. Both were just the kindest ladies. Once they understood Cathy was special needs they were even more gentle with her. One of them letting me know she also had a daughter who was similarly situated. And in a way that offered me some additional comfort.
Finally, abut 2:30p they came and whisked Cath away. Kim needed to leave to take the other residents to various appointments and I headed to the cafeteria for a small bite. Cathy’s procedure was only going to take an hour and once she recovered she had asked for a Wendy’s hamburger, so I figured we would get something and dine together to celebrate the end of a hard day.
I arrived at the cafe and saw soups. Perfect. A seafood medley – not quite a gumbo, but it was tasty. I had a small bowl and returned to wait.
In the waiting room, they had a board which let you know where your patient was along the way…
This was a great tool. I would glance up every so often and see Cathy, #8842, was still in her procedure.
I glanced up at 3:00p, 3:45p, 4:00p, 4:10p, 4:15p, 4;20p, at 4:30p (2 hours in) I was getting very nervous. I was warned of the potential complications.
4:45p, finally near 5:00pm doctor B emerged and explained that there had been some minor complications. The tumor that was partially blocking her airway was angry.
He drew a picture for me:
The part that was partially blocking the airway, that part he was able to file away. However, when he started extracting tissue from the larger part that was attached the the outer portion of the bronchial tube it became very angry and started bleeding quite a bit.
He said it took some time, but he was able to get that to stop, but because of the bleeding, he was unable to remove any more of the tumor or place a stent to help it give Cathy more airspace.
And then he told me his thoughts. In his experience, the only other times he’s seen a tumor that was this angry looking was in patients that have kidney cancer.
The results of the biopsy will not be back for up to five business days, but that is his best estimation of what we’re dealing with. And being that her kidney levels were elevated from the blood test a few weeks ago, that makes sense.
But it doesn’t make it suck less.
And it doesn’t answer the million questions I have in my head this morning.
We follow up with Dr. B. on Friday (4/18) and we should have the results of the biopsy at that time. And then I’m sure we’ll be referred to an oncologist who will run further tests, including the Pet scan to determine if the kidney is indeed where the problem began.
Cathy has had diabetes for a number of years, and I wonder if that’s not why her kidneys were the target. Diabetes is not friendly to kidneys from what I’ve learned over time.
Cathy went to recovery, but because of the procedure they had to numb her throat and that requires extra recovery time. We didn’t leave the hospital until after 7:00pm. And yes, Cathy did get her Wendy’s on the way home. Cathy could have had anything she wanted for dinner. Anything at all.
Cathy did not ask about the outcome of the day. She only asked if they removed the tumor altogether.
“No baby. They can’t remove the tumor from where it’s located. Dr. B got some of it which should make it a little easier to breathe but he can’t get it all.”
She asked what they are going to do then, if they can’t remove it. And I was honest with her. They will probably have to do some radiation to try to shrink it in size. Cathy seemed satisfied with that answer, though I don’t believe she understands what that actually means.
One thing I am grateful for is her doctors. Her main doctor is the kindest, most gentle man, and he oversees all of her care. Together with Dr. Haddi, we will help Cathy understand all the things she is going to hear about and go through in the next little bit. I haven’t had to navigate this with her before. Not when it was about her, at least. I want to give her the information she needs, and that she deserves, about her condition without scarring the crap out of her if that’s possible. I’m thankful I’m not in that alone. Kim and I are closely aligned on how to proceed.
Many of you have been so kind in your prayers, messages and thoughts on Cathy (and our family’s) behalf. And many of you have asked how I’m holding up, which though I appreciate, it’s difficult for me to answer.
In difficult situations, I tend to delay my grieving, instead opting to hunker down and problem solve. Working the problem is how I cope. I don’t get gushy and I don’t wallow in my feelings, yet. There will come a time that I will emotionally process what is happening, but not yet. It’s just how I’m wired.
So if I seem distant, or cold even in how I answer that question, know I’m not trying to be a martyr or that I don’t have feelings about this, and that I don’t care. None of that is true. I just want to work the problem and find the best solution available – it’s 100% of my focus and my energy other than making sure Cathy is well cared for and working through her feelings surrounded by love and some laughter along the way.
My prayer is that Cathy will keep her sense of humor. That she’ll keep sharing those endearing memories that cause us to laugh until we cry about mom and all our little inside jokes. She’s got the best sense of humor — and that will help along the way.
A number of you have asked what you can do for Cathy. What I can tell you is that she LOVES cards. Loves letters. My dear friend, Jeanette, sent her a letter and pictures of her beautiful adult kids and their families, and Cathy is carrying that around in her purse, showing everyone who stops to listen!! So, if you’re inclined, please ask me for her address. I would love to share it and have her steeped in mail. She also loves hook rugs. My friend Beth sent her one with me this trip, and she lit up when she saw it. Crafts keep her hands and mind busy — which I think will be helpful over the next little while.
Please keep the prayers coming. We can feel their power and their comfort. It’s not the least thing that you can do — it’s the first. And we appreciate every single one of them.
Shrinking Shay 