Refocus…

I have been so off my game, so distracted over the last few months. Sure, cancer has a way of throwing you for a loop, but I’m three months passed all that and I still haven’t gotten my workout groove back. Some of it has been good and worthy distraction (i.e., writing, self-exploration, time with God) but some of it has been pure laziness.

I have literally had the same 20 pounds to lose to reach my goal now for nearly a year. Ugh. I’ve been really close, but the last five or six months I have not been focused or dedicated to my workouts or eating for that matter. And that train stops here and now.

I got up today, had a small shake, gave it some time to digest and then hit my gym…and immediately thought I would die. All that stamina I had gained over the year and a half of consistently exercising has gone by the way-side. I did cardio this morning. HIIT on the treadmill and didn’t go crazy, just 30 minutes, just getting my feet wet once again.

I’m not being hard on myself, I’m not being overly critical, I’m being honest and real. I have fought long and hard to regain my health, to be at a healthy weight, to see my health stats repair over time, and I’m just not willing to let all that work go because truly, sitting on my butt is a lot easier than the dedication it takes to keep moving forward health-wise. But is it really? Not in the end. Not if I return to old habits and become like my former self again. A place I never want to revisit.

So, here’s to turning over a new leaf. For regaining my focus. Day one of many ahead. My plate is a bit fuller than it was the first year or so where my entire focus was exercise and healthy food choices. I’m writing in a dedicated fashion these days and that takes time. I lead a bible study and am part of a small group, that takes dedication and time as well. So, balance is what I’m after, and that means being a grown up, getting to bed on time and rising early to fit it all in. It’s a small sacrifice with a very large reward so I am willing to make this commitment and reap the rewards of sticking to it. I am writing it here to be accountable to myself, because the buck stops here. With me. Today.