When is a negative a positive…

Yesterday I received a phone call that has to rank up there with one of the best calls I’ve ever received.  “Hello, this is Beth from the genetics office…” the reults of my genetic testing were in.

They did a “stat” test on the top nine highest indicators for genetic-related breast/ovarian cancers and I was negative for all nine; including BRCA 1/2.  Hallelujah.  A literal sigh of relief.  Not only for me personally, but for the implications a positive would have had on my children.  I literally let out a deep sigh and my body physically relaxed.  I didn’t realize the stress waiting for the results was causing me.  Upon relaxing my muscles revealed a deep ache, like I had just been powerlifting weights.  The weight of carrying the stress was real.

Last night I slept harder and more completely than I have in weeks.  I still have cancer, I still have surgery pending, but I feel like I literally dodged a bullet.  “It could always be worse” rings so true.  I feel like I can handle the load I have.  I will have surgery, recover, undergo radiation and move on.  Of course I will be followed more closely now and Kenzie will be more aware of her own health — that’s not a bad thing.  But I feel like I can work the problem now.  Because now we have better defined the issues at hand and there is a plan.  Not knowing the full scope of the issue and the possible outcomes surgically has been the most difficult part of my diagnosis.  And sure, there might be some surprises uncovered while in surgery, but I still feel like we’ve got this.

God is good — all the time and all the time — God is good.

Sunday’s service was on Goodness as part of the “Divine 9” series (gifts of the holy spirit) our church is working through.  Bryan’s message couldn’t have been more timely.  I spent some time pondering goodness on Sunday and yesterday — before I knew the outcome.  And truly, I had made peace.  Even had the outcome of my testing been different, I would had added the statement above all the same.  I am learning through this process to lean on God more — not just in the big things, but in the little, minute details as well.  I find myself more conversational with Him.  I am still working on turning things over — still trying to figure out what that looks like, but I am growing in my relationship with Him.  And for that I am thankful.

I am also thankful for all the kindness, concern, and outreach I have experienced from so many friends, near and far, close and casual.  The prayers, support, love, offers of help…all of it has been super humbling.  I have felt so much love from so many.  And for that, my family and I, are so deeply touched and appreciative.  Keep the prayers coming.  We feel their power and God’s embrace through them.